Monday, February 04, 2008

What is in a Question?

Recently speaking to a friend on the question of finding the suitable 'suitor' she told me her mode of choosing someone. She's decided to ask some questions;* religion-related, lifestyle-related - types, reasonable. Except two of her question came down to answering 'what is your concept of God?' and 'How do you know Islam if the right religion?' Of course, she isn't looking for a full proof answer but rather how the person reasons themselves. And not that they are unreasonable questions to ask but I think mine (if a time should come) would be more general and may entail a are you salafi?-question when it came down to religion :)

So, how would you feel answering such questions? Would you love the challenge? Think odd of her? Or simply like her a bit for asking it?

And, what would your Questions be?

*In the Asian/Muslim circle relationships are formed commonly through intermediaries who find you your suitor and through them you communicate and give your criteria and ask your questions and stuff...


Shak said...

I get why these questions are being asked, the answers would totally be important to me too and everyone is different etc etc... but I'd run a mile from any girl who directly asked me stuff like that.

Questions asked say as much about a person as the answers do for those they're aimed at. Efficiency is one thing but testing someone is something else - and anyone who thinks they'd get a sufficient answer from which to extract any useful info in such a context is a being a bit ambitious/judgemental too.

Personally I don't have a script. It all depends on the person I'm talking to - the things about precanned questions/plans is that any deviation might be seen a failure.

asikha said...

I think they are great Qs to ask, but I do think as the first Qs go, well not everyone conveys themselves well and some things may get lost. Agree with the ambitious point. But then starting from the deep end from the beginning kinda diminishes your doubts a little, right?

I find these things so does one predetermine the right partner with the right questions? bleugh.

Shak said...

>how does one predetermine the right partner with the right questions?

That's kind of my point, but I wasn't being clear above. If you think the right answer (whether that's their "reasoning" or literal reply) is all it takes to find a partner then you're either a very objective person or going about things the wrong way.

Still, what do I know eh? :)

Anonymous said...

While seeing the motivation behind asking such questions, it would feel too much like an interview. That wouldn't set up the right atmosphere. Interviews often bring out "right answers" rather than honest answers especially when it pertains to one's faith.

Just have a conversation for about an hour at least - no chaperones but an open door - (if you want to know about his religous outlook, that can be thrown in without a script) - as long as you keep a degree of focus and avoid chatting the entire time about relative trivialities such as the tube or how you think capello will do etc. In that kind of timeframe, hopefully the outer-guard will lower a little and it will allow you to make a better informed choice.

fug said...

I'd like to think that the getting to know phase involves observing eachothers behaviour and spiritual and mental shaping through a variety of circumstances.

that gets you to the point of figuring out whether soand so would be good for your life.

interviews can be structured, semi structured or open. depends whats appropriate.

theres plenty of ways of spotting a salafi. though i love salafi bros, they actually care about people.

asikha said...

^that's a lengthy process

i may go for a lottery approach..